I arrived at a friend’s house for a party. I was hungry. People were buzzing around, drinking cocktails, and hovering over the food. I took a look around the table of deliciously crafted hors d’oeuvres, but quickly realized I couldn’t eat anything. The hunger pain in my stomach rose to my throat. I felt shaky thinking about my options. Every single food item on the table contained dairy.
I can’t eat dairy. It’s not by choice, it’s a necessity. At age 20, the tall glasses of 2% milk and extra cheese pizza slices became a distant memory.
Everyone had a different diagnosis for me, but the one that made the most sense is sensitivity to casein – the protein in cow’s milk. I don’t know why this happened later in life and no one else seems to know either.
Yes, there are substitutes. Yes, some are delicious. Yes, some are horrible. Either way, dairy is completely out of my life. In the long run I don’t mind because it is healthier. But I did not fully understand how many things were dairy based until I could no longer digest it.
A fabulous dinner out used to be heaven, now it only makes me anxious. It has become the norm for me to go to a restaurant and request substitutions. I can never, ever order something off the menu “as is.” Every single item needs to be checked. “Are the mashed potatoes made with milk? Is it a lemon-butter sauce or lemon-oil sauce? I’ll have a pizza with no cheese.“ (Usually gets the strangest looks.)
People who are dieting have the same restrictions. Going to a restaurant or friend’s house can prove just as detrimental based on high-fat, high-carb, or high-sugar items that may be your only options. Often you may just give in and eat it, vowing to be better the next day, but I can’t do that. And neither should you.
Don’t let other people control your life. It’s okay to ask for substitutions. It’s okay to ask your friends what they are serving and offer to bring something you can eat. It’s okay to eat before you go out. It’s okay to stick with your plan and what makes you feel good. Don’t worry about what others might think of you if you skip the fries or milkshake. They are not living in your body; they are not trying to achieve your goals. The people who are true to you will understand and respect your decisions.
There will be ups and downs. I have been to restaurants that have gone out of their way for me and friends who have made me separate food items. I have also been places that literally had nothing I could eat. It’s a terrible feeling, but once you accept it and learn how to manage it, everything will be okay. The point is to stay on the wagon even if someone is pushing you off (intentionally or unintentionally). You will thank yourself later.
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That’s why I never show up to a party hungry. And I keep granola bars in my purse. :p
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Diana Antholis Reply:
February 3rd, 2011 at 11:36 am
@Hope, This is true! I usually either eat or ask before I go. I’m not perfect all of the time though
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i have so much respect for people who can handle challenges like this with grace. i had a scare with a food allergy – i thought, on the verge of moving to louisiana, that i was allergic to one of my favorite foods, crawfish. turns out it’s crab that triggers the facial swelling, but still. the very concept that i was about to be forced to give up something i loved so much was terrifying.
i also feel that if you’re up-front and nice about special needs like this, and i have no doubt that you are from reading your story, no one has any right to make you feel weird about your request. sadly, though, it’s hard to control for jerks in this world.
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Diana Antholis Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 1:15 am
@magnolia, Thank you
It is hard, because people either don’t care or totally forget. It only bothers me when it’s people who definitely know, but don’t do anything about it. I always ask wherever I’m going.
It just sucks because sometimes dairy can be hidden in things and I have no idea.
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I have never had a serious food allergy. Anise, possibly, but that’s not exactly pervasive or impossible to deal with. No ouzo? cry me a river. I don’t like licorice anyway.
But a dairy allergy is a serious challenge. Props to you for your inspiring attitude, and for not letting it run your life.
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Diana Antholis Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
@Vie, Ouzo! I hate licorice too. I saw on your website that you are Greek as well. My father and my Irish boyfriend were drinking it together and I was like, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? He said he likes black jelly beans. Gross.
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Vie Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 2:59 pm
@Diana Antholis, My fellow Greek! Awesome. Also: I am an INFJ (who has become a lot more extroverted), and I’m extremely interested in what you do. Black jelly beans are just gross. So much of Greek food is so good. Why could they have not come up with a better national beverage?
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Diana Antholis Reply:
February 4th, 2011 at 3:02 pm
@Vie, Omgoodness, I was in a Greek store the other day and they had ouzo flavored soda AND ouzo caramels! Come on!!!!
So happy we are connected!