Journey to a new me || Hi I’m Heather!

Hey! I’m Heather and normally you can find me over here. When I started reading In it to gym it, I immediately wanted in. So I emailed LiLu and waited patiently. Finally about 2 weeks ago I got the invitation! So worth the wait! So here I am sharing my journey to a new me. I hope you enjoy!

I have always struggled with body image. I was active as a child, I did gymnastics, cheerleading, and dance until high school. In high school I turned in the girly uniforms for a pair of soccer cleats and a few bruises. I played soccer and lacrosse all through high school and loved every second of it. I’m 5′1 and have a semi petite build so any amount of weight on me looks like too much.

I’ve always had muscle and growing up I felt like I was fat, because I did have muscle and couldn’t fit into a 2 or 4. Size 6 is not fat, but I couldn’t get that through my head so I starved myself, skipped meals, pretended to eat, moved food around to trick my parents into thinking that I was eating, but rather then losing weight, I was making myself sick. A soccer player can not survive on 900-1000 calories a day. I look at pictures from high school and I want to kick myself. I was hot, I had a great body, granted it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t bad.

If only I could have seen that then, I probably wouldn’t be the way I am now. Today, I am almost 200 lbs and more insecure then I have ever been. I look at pictures of myself from late high school and early college and I cry. In the morning when I’m getting ready I don’t look in the mirror until I’m fully clothed and even then I cringe.

I try to blame it on my knee injury, and the anti depressants, but really I am the only one I can blame. There are so many athletes who fight through the pain, and I did for a long time, but after re injuring it twice and losing my workers compensation, I gave up.

I’ve started getting back on track with my eating, rather then eating out, I’ve started cooking again. The weight I have gained has really made it hard for me to get active again, but I’ve started a training program through Nike + to get back to the shape I was in back in high school.

I’m starting slow, mainly just walking every night, it’s not much but I have to start somewhere.

I haven’t stepped on the scale in a little over 8 months. Last time I was at the doctors I was weighed at 194 lbs. I walked into my room to wait for my doctor and while I was in there I did everything in my power not to well up with tears. 194 lbs? I’m barely 5’1. 194 lbs is not healthy. I don’t plan to break this streak. I do not believe in checking the scale every chance I get. For 1 reason, even when I was a 6 I weighed almost 140lbs. If I go based on weight I will never be happy. I am going to base my progress on how I feel and how my clothes fit.

A few years ago I worked at a gym and I worked out everyday at least twice a day. I would workout before work, usually some sort of cardio, either 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30-45 minutes jump rope, pushups, pull ups, sit ups, a few weights (low weight, high rep, keeping my heart rate up) and then on my break I would take a 45 minute yoga or pilates class. I also worked at Starbucks, I usually opened the coffee shop and worked there until 2pm, then headed over to the gym. On Saturdays and Sundays I would focus on weights and then take either a Zumba class or spin class. I would close that up with a yoga class. In other words I lived at the gym and I felt great!

I lost my job  this week, and I am making the move to Raleigh this week. It’s going to be a fresh start, what better time to get back on track. I’m going to be living on my own until September until Jay moves back in with me, so I won’t have the temptations of eating out all the time. I’m hoping to learn how to cook more healthy instead of making too much I need to learn portion control as well.

So here goes. Wish me luck!

xoxo
Heather

Tagged as: baby steps, battling the bulge, diet vs. lifestyle, excuses, food, getting sexy, in it to gym it, pant size, screw the scale, yoga