Much like my life in general, my trips to the gym tend to be a not-so-hot mess of awkward, yet slightly hilarious, happenings.
Take my most recent stint at the gym.
My gym is super-packed, especially if you go right at 5pm- when all the mid-life-crisis men are sweating buckets and having early on-set heart attacks, just to be able to fit into that pair of jeans they rocked in the Eighties- and along with them- the cougars who try their best to flirt while wearing the same exercise onesie they wore twenty years ago.
I went ahead and braved the 5 o’clock hour last Thursday dressed to impress in my college cheerleading sweats and ‘I *heart* DC’ tee, which is way more impressive than it’s ‘I *heart NYC’ counter-part . I realize after walking up and down the long aisle of machines, that none are available. I wait in the impromptu line that people without a machine usually create in such a situation. I take in the scene; try to find the extremely hot two or three guys my age that work-out at this time- Spotted! Then I look for the Justin-Beiber-esque high schoolers, that I still find cute, which is creepy- Spotted! During this roll-call taking place in my head, I notice a boy, maybe college-aged, looking over my way from his treadmill. Hmm… should I look back at him? I make eye-contact and he continues to look at me and then look back down at his treadmill, which he is running on at quite a high speed. I give an awkward smile and glance over my shoulder to double-check he isn’t looking for someone else. Nope, he is defiantly looking at me. Then he waves me over to his machine and points to the screen. Okay- ‘what?’ I mouth in his direction. He yells, “Do you want this?”
Now this is an interesting question- I saunter closer to him to verify I heard correctly. I lean in- ‘What?’
“Do you want this treadmill?” He says, still trucking away on his run.
“Well, not if you are.- uh- still – working out…”
“No it’s fine, seriously, I’m done” He is frantically looking back and forth between me and the screen of his machine.
“Okay- if you are done –then, sure…” I feel the people right around his treadmill picking up on this strange conversation.
“Yeah sureeeeeee- huhhh whooaaaaa!!” His feet start tripping over themselves and I see the whole scene play out before it even happens. The boy falls forward (my mind plays it in slow motion), arms flailing all around, he attempts to catch himself on the handles, but its to no avail- his body slams on the still speeding belt and he is thrown off the back end of the treadmill.
*The “Wanna get away?” Southwest jingle pops into my train of thought.*
After everyone is done staring at the boy lying at my feet, the attention shifts to me- just standing there- my mouth is probably wide-open, dear-in-headlights look in my eyes. I manage to muster out-
“Are you… okay?” I kneel down next to the boy. This could either go one of two ways depending on what type of guy I was dealing with- he could either totally make me feel like an ass and start complaining about the aches and pains on his body and all the other gym-goers would be looking on me like the evil-girl who made this kid get off the treadmill before he was ready OR he could be a typical guy and act like what just happened, didn’t happen at all, it was my lucky day-
“I’m fine, Yeah, no problem, I’m good” He gets up quickly and brushes off his hoodie. He pulls out the emergency stop cord and his treadmill slows.
“Here, it’s all yours..”
“I’m sorr-”
“No- you’re fine, my bad!” He scurries away before I can say another word. The peering eyes of others slowly start to fade back into their own routines and I mount my treadmill. As the belt starts to move beneath my feet I glance around to see if I can spot the boy again to make sure he doesn’t looked to stressed and I realize I should probably keep my eyes looking forward.
My run went by super-fast that night because all I could do was replay the scenario over-and-over in my mind and try my hardest to keep my laughter inside.
So this is what happens when I try to get in shape!
Anyone have any great, embarrassing, funny, ridiculous- workout stories! Share them here please so I don’t feel like I’m alone in my world of awkwardness!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Ahh, I have *always* wanted to see something like this happen!! Hilarious!!
Hm. That sounds kind of mean.
At least the guy was okay! And you got your treadmill!
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Mine are mostly about the locker room. And trust me, you don’t want to hear them.
*shudders*
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I would be that person if I ever tried an actual treadmill instead of an elliptical. Poor guy lol.
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I once had a treadmill belt literally fall apart while I was running on it. It just shredded beneath my feet and I couldn’t stop the thing fast enough. It was awful, I was a spectacle. But, it did occur to me for a minute that someone who saw it all could have been thinking “wow, that girl must have been running fast” and that kind of made it all worth it.
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ahahaha! This is great!
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hilarious! I love gym stories
One of the first nights I was at this newly opened gym, I made a comment to my friend about how I should attempt to do a pull-up. So I grab the bar and was like “whoa… ha ha yeah no.” The OLD LADY passing me started laughing. Here I am, 25, and some old lady about 70 was laughing at me. Nice.
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I used to work in a gym. People wipe off the back of the treadmills ALL. THE. TIME. Which is why until VERY recently (read: last week), I was terrified to run on them myself & would only walk!
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